I am I
What
“At 71 I asked, who am I? At 74, I am I."
I am I is a wall hanging tapestry, 6 ½ ft wide at the top, 3 ½ ft wide at the bottom, and 7 ft tall. It is made up of 97 individual quotes, each independently beaded. It was completed over 3 years minus 3 days, begun when Nan was 71 years old.
Woven together , one individual word at a time, it comprises hundreds of thousands of beads: seed beads in 831 different colors as well as several thousand special beads, Swarovski and other crystals, and other decorative and memorial objects. The beads are strung together by 2.2 miles of fishing line.
Each quote is decoratively strung together, word by word. and attached to Indian sari silk that is glued to elver netting (traditionally used by fishermen in Maine for catching tiny eels called “elvers”). Safety pins, glue, duct tape, drapery rods, and sail halyard rope allow it to hang in four separate sections, appearing as one contiguous piece.
Why
"It’s like a spirit to me."
This could be said about all of Nan's works, but especially so of I am I. All her work flows from what's going on in her world, interior and exterior. This one is of the interior. The creation of I am I was a process of self-exploration, a meditation on 70 years of lived life, from age 71-74 in colors and words, a three year long asking of the question, "Who am I?"
I am I was born of a desire for self-understanding, a desire to be known, a need to recognize and make concrete a sense of self value, by creating something of herself that could be shared. Being a lifelong lover of words, color, and texture, it was a natural medium to explore this question of identity, these three elements woven together in I am I.
Most simply put, "I just want someone to know I was here."
How
“I keep the quotation in my mind as I work. I try to think about each word as I make it and what it might really mean in someone's life, and in my life.”
The raw materials of a word or a phrase and hundreds of colors arrayed in front of her, the process of bringing the right ones together is where the magic happens. Each quote, as it was beaded, offered a unique moment of self-reflection and expression. When completed, it was then was set aside for the time being while the next one received the same attention. The quotes needed to be paired with color choices. Nan felt her way through the choices of hue and tone as she mused on the quotes.
She soon realized that this was turning into an engineering project to pull them all together and hang them, just the sheer weight of the beads. It makes for quite a metaphor for our lives, stringing together the myriad thoughts, experiences, events, and people that have shaped us. With the steady ever-present help of her husband Tom, solutions were found and the quotes were stitched together and hung; becoming the kaleidoscope of color and words that it is today.
The Quotes
As she walks by the piece in her hallway she touches it, lingers over it for a moment. When asked which quotes stand out to her these days she replied:
"Acceptance isn't settling for less, acceptance leads to further movement, settling makes the other grass forever greener."
-The Artist
Take some time reading the quotes. One of the things Nan is most interested in for viewers of the piece is "Which quotes strike you?"
